What's unusual about that?
Friendships and how to find them.
How often do unexpected happenings occur to us all? Before my new hip, I could guarantee at least one odd moment, every time I ventured onto the golf course.
Typically, on an average day the most likely oddity would be missing a 2 foot putt or laying up perfectly before the river, only to duff my next shot straight into it. All that care taken to try and avoid a penalty, completely undone.
The worst atrocity still etched deep, probably because there was an audience happened on the first tee. We’ve all been there and anyone who plays golf, knows exactly what I’m likely to say next.
I missed the ball so badly that finding it proved remarkably easy. After everyone else had played, they politely waited patiently while I walked to my ball, conveniently two yards in front of where I’d just been.
I desperately wanted to disappear or magically rewind time, oh for that minute back. Instead, I had the pleasure of playing again, hitting my second shot in the general direction of everyone else, almost certainly guaranteeing a horrible first hole and a big fat ugly number on my scorecard. Never mind, only 17 more to go.
I’ve only managed to be quite that unfortunate once at Ealing Golf Club so far. But hang on a minute. Aren’t I simply describing the occupational hazards of playing golf. It’s no more unexpected than playing tennis and serving up a double fault. In my experience, at least one a game on average and that was at the height of my abilities.
Before I became a member of Ealing, the club’s focus to encourage joining was a free round of golf and a reminder about the benefits of doing so. Most clubs do something similar, offering words of encouragement like, we’re a friendly bunch here, you won’t need to know anyone to get a game. I could go on with the platitudes.
They may all be true but none unfortunately come with any sort of guarantee. After all, you could be a moody old git who struggles to have a conversation with your wife, never mind fellow golfers, barely known. Or worse still, you inadvertently find a club as I did, (but didn’t join) which encourages lots of 2-balls, perfect if you already know lots of members, hopeless if you don’t.
Last Saturday, me and Mrs H. were guests at the wedding of Mark and Karin in central London. There’s an embargo on the more traditional wedding shots of our happy hosts until they’ve had a chance to publish (quite rightly) so you’ll have to put up with me, Mrs H and the photobomber.
Mark’s a fellow golfer and a friend, I don’t think he’d mind me saying that. Last Saturday we shared some delicious food and a myriad of speeches (Swedish tradition) on the golfers table at his wedding breakfast. Previously, we’d brought in 2024 together in Chamonix, a happenstance which turned into another great reason to get together and celebrate.
Is any of this bonhomie unexpected?
Well no, if you consider that we’ve known each other quite some time. Nothing odd about being invited to a celebration, even one as significant as a wedding.
Sure, okay. But when I joined Ealing, it would have been beyond presumption to assume anything of the sort. Imagine if some of the encouragement to join had gone more like this.
They’re a friendly bunch here. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not invited to a wedding or two in a couple of years time.
The truth is, I genuinely didn’t know what to expect. The last time I’d been a member of a golf club I was a junior and the year was 1978. It had been a trial to join and my friends were only other lowly junior members. We all had to give way to the adults (ie let the duffers through) even when we weren’t holding up play.
So the answer to the question, did it turn out as I expected at Ealing? No, absolutely not. It’s been a truly wonderful experience which I could never have predicted. My golf is arguably somewhere close to where you might expect, but the friendships, camaraderie and fun is on a completely different level.
Sharing Mark and Karin’s special day is testament to how extraordinary and unexpected the journey has been.
I joined Ealing aged 58, probably. By that point, most of us are past caring about forging new friendships, or so I thought. Golf buddies for sure, people to pass the time with, but we’ve either already collected all the lifelong friends we’re ever going to get or we’ve concluded that the lack of them was a deliberate ploy made for reasons and circumstances that we can’t remember anymore.
That’s at least what I thought, when I played in a Rabbit’s roll-up, one frosty morning to see whether Ealing and I were going to get along? My assumption about new friendships proved to be quite wrong. I expect a statistician might offer an explanation, beyond the unlikely one that Ealing is the friendliest club in the world.
It might have something to do with mean distribution. Unfortunately, for golf clubs, the biggest rump of members are old, let’s be kind, older. Those fifty to seventy somethings, mostly male, are the ones more likely to have the time and money to enjoy all of the health benefits which come with a round of golf. It’s our time and we have lots of it, so for those with some sort of sporty intent, I can’t recommend joining enough.
Me, like many others, fall into that stereotypical hangover, once lampooned on occasion by comedies like Terry & June, The Good Life and The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin.
What happened to Howells? Oh yes, he retired early and decided to take up golf. Keeps him out of the house with all that time on his hands. And his wife? Quite.
I’ve come to the conclusion that golf clubs do have some secret sauce which they never think to talk about when potential new recruits come a calling. I completely get why it never happens. To the newcomer, it would feel like they’d entered some dystopian world if your happiness or improved happiness was measured in some way and was considered to be more important than the playing conditions, your golf handicap and other available distractions such as food and beverage and bridge club meets on Thursday afternoons.
I’ve decided that the golf club might be better defined as a place to find friends and have more fun. I’ve certainly concluded that you’re never to old to find new ones and laugh a lot.
Maybe I should have a word with Mrs H about a cruise now? Darling…